way back january 2008...

It must be over…’coz it’s over… no words would like to come out yet.. but then again letting everything go could make the bag gages lighter as everybody around would always put in…hmmm.. How should we start this???
“I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you… it’s personal… myself... and I…”
She’s just learned that there are things in life that are beyond our capacity to explain as well as to understand… such which make us out of control of the things that we encounter… let us become confused…bring us to uncertain decisions…and eventually lead us to feeling helpless…and…ending up…hurt…
Whew… does it really need to be talked about??? If the former her would be asked,, the answer will be a big NO… She would have preferred not to utter anything and just let everything stay inside her until they kill her sanity…but that is only if…
“I need some shelter for my own protection baby, to be with myself in center…clarity, peace, serenity…”
The past year hadn’t been filled with pure rainbows and butterflies… there were instances of pleasure she could say, but most are caused also by the same reason of the countless disquiets she encountered. It started with a lost of a very dear grand mom during the first month, simultaneous with the dismay felt from a supposed to be special friend…the month of hearts gave the same consternation as she saw an unexpected fellow that truly broke her for the very first time…third month wasn’t as disappointing yet never as relaxing neither… she had encounter unguarded experiences in the fourth month which truly made her felt confused and disturbed in most moments…until the most shocking hearsay gave answers and forcibly ended all the confusions she had the weeks before the fifth month… sixth and seventh were full of struggles to spare the amateur soldier in her from being totally wounded… the ways weren’t favoring the will and even heartbreaking yet needed to be done just to overcome the devastation she felt. As it is her special time every year, God had been good for He spared her in the eight month. Yet the peace she thought she had just beginning to have was at once followed again by a disquieting confession… that overwhelmed her that time yet never she expected that it would be the start again of doubly impairing and disturbing moments in the succeeding months…how memorable was the tenth month for this was full of unforeseen yet very amorous moments…though they weren’t as smooth as they were supposed to…a mixture of incomparable joy and terrible pains were brought by the eleventh month…this was the last lap to the finish line…full of struggles coming on the way of the striving heart in her…hardly knowing what’s waiting for her in the end… Alas! the last month which was supposed to be the happiest, ended it all… after the long wait…sacrifice…struggle…and hope… everything turns to nothing when what she thought and was made to believe wouldn’t ever happen, come about…
“Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending…”
Everything struck her as fast as a lightning…she expected it but she wasn’t prepared that yet… it was so heavy that she thought she couldn’t surpass it at all… she felt unaided…
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell of your understanding…”
It’s something that brings us this kind of throb inside of us… Yet it’s a sickness that no other physician could cure but the one carrying it himself… She tried to figure out what Kahlil Gibran meant until she found the answers in most of her encounters… We keep on pointing to different reasons why people get hurt, but she believes… the best that can explain why people feel that twinge in their hearts most of the time is that because… the mind doesn’t want to accept what the heart is feeling...things happen contrary to expectations… and more often than not what is happening is beyond our capability to accept and understand …and so we feel pain…
Finally, it’s still her most beloved Creator who stayed with her in her downfall… she prayed… for her not to stay that way… she’s still hurting but never bitter anymore… gone are the nights of confusions… she’s hanging no more… tears are still automatic every morning… yet they helped her to have the yearning to smile again…
It’s time to be a big girl now… and big girls don’t cry…”
People would always say that we should never be bitter if things do not come about the way we expect it to. It’s a sign of maturity, as a text message at one time put in. It even implied that to be fine we should learn to take things lightly no matter how much difficulty they have caused in our lives…
Thus, despite the lonely times… the heartbreaking hearsays… and the unbearable encounters… it must be over ‘coz it’s OVER…